But...
I've been dealt a different start to the new year. One I wasn't expecting at all, nor ready for. I had to give up being independent. I had to give up the use of my legs for a time. I had to give up a very dear family member...only to learn lessons I might not otherwise have learned.
~On the 9th of January, I had felt a twinge in my lower back while putting on my boots to go feed my horses. It was enough to have my chiropractor adjust it, and he did. Still tender and vulnerable, the next morning, while trying to lift our dying beloved dog up to stand (because she had not stood for over 24 hours), something shattered in my back, or at least that is what it felt like. I went down, not able to get back up, with one hand on the sliding glass door, and the other on my knee, and in significant pain, I was scared. The pain was so severe, I was shaking and crying uncontrollably. My first thoughts: I can still feel my toes and wiggle them; & What am I supposed to learn from this trial? Thankfully, my 5 year old was home, and was able to get me the phone. After multiple calls to my husband, & friends to no avail, I called my son at the high school. They gathered him up, and sent him home right away. My chiropractor came to my house after calling in a panicked desperation. I finally got a hold of a good friend who dropped everything and came right over. Before they had arrived, I had crawled up onto a chair to use as a walker to gimp into the living room where I again collapsed.
Aside from the childbirth-like pain, my fear, of course, was wondering if I'd ever be able to stand again. This is not a easy thing to even admit, especially when you are a runner. My husband finally made it home with a work vehicle because he had carpooled that day, leaving him with no car. He was my hero that day and the next, getting me from bed to the bathroom and back, or to the living room (on the floor). Putting any pressure on my lower back at all, or basically being upright, was almost unbearable. Lots of ice and ibuprofen helped the inflammation go down so the healing could happen, as well as rest & daily visits to the chiropractor for those first few days.
I was surrounded by angels for the next 2 weeks. Good friends came to not only take care of me, but my family, and our poor dog as well. By now the only thing Peek-a-Boo (our dog) would eat was lunch meat. On January 14th, we had to say good-bye to our dear Peek. We were so grateful for the almost 14 years of companionship and love that wonderful dog offered to our family, but it was one of the hardest days of our lives. It killed me inside to not be able to take care of her those last few days myself, as I had when she was a puppy, and when she had had her two large litters of her own puppies. I hope she now understands how I wanted so much to be lying by her side, but was unable.
Three weeks from the injury, I'm almost back to normal. I've been given the okay to start running soon. So what did I learn from this trial? Many things, I learned. First off, to slow down! It's okay to take a step back and watch for a while, so I know where the heck I am and where I need to go. I learned patience. I had to be patient with myself mostly, to not move too fast when I started feeling better, and patience with not being able to lead the 90 mph life I was leading. I learned how incredible and golden my friends & family are, who stepped up without me having to ask. I can only hope that I am at least half the friend to them as they are to me. I also learned to enjoy every precious moment with those around me. Maybe I wouldn't have otherwise spent time with Peek before she was gone. I learned how to be helped and to be thankful for it, instead of trying to be so independent all the time. Letting others help, blesses not only the ones they are helping but themselves as well. Who am I to deny them those blessings?
Have I given up? No way! Do I still have goals? Heck yes! Will I always be grateful for everything in my life, even the small things?...I sure hope so.
